Cybersex

[Berta]

,,CYBERING', slang for VIRTUAL SEX ONLINE,appears to be the dark secret of the Internet, and it is creating havoc in the real world of relationships.The ease with which people can find partners for sex a quick computer search can yield hundreds of opportunities, in chat rooms or on porn sites and the apparent safety of anonymous encounters has temped huge numbers of people to cheat on their mate.

I have some question for all of you: if after you became engaged you descover that your CHRISTIAN fiance is cybersex practitioner, what are you going to do? Are you going to continue your relationship or break it off? It is worthy to continue this relationship?There are any risks for married life ?

[HILFIGER]

loll .... dich him/her imediatly.. :boxing: :argue: :lifting2: :angry:

[moe2006]

,,CYBERING', slang for VIRTUAL SEX ONLINE,appears to be the dark secret of the Internet, and it is creating havoc in the real world of relationships.The ease with which people can find partners for sex a quick computer search can yield hundreds of opportunities, in chat rooms or on porn sites and the apparent safety of anonymous encounters has temped huge numbers of people to cheat on their mate.

I have some question for all of you: if after you became engaged you descover that your CHRISTIAN fiance is cybersex practitioner, what are you going to do? Are you going to continue your relationship or break it off? It is worthy to continue this relationship?There are any risks for married life ?
yes there are risks for marraige life if one of the two are addicted to porn. In this case, I would break the relationship until they break the habit (IF they break the habit). On AFR (American Family Radio.... 89.9 here in Waco) I heard two guys (I forgot the names) discussing this. If a husband is addicted to porn, they'll most likely fall out of love with their wives as the women on porn use all kinds of enhancers to make themselves look more attractive, which would make a man fall in love with their figure and lose interest in his wife's figure..... I hope this answers your questions.

[Debbie_A]

what the crack are you guys talking about??? HELLO... CHRISTIAN SITE. If he/she was a true christian that wouldnt even be something youd have to discuss.

[moe2006]

what the crack are you guys talking about??? HELLO... CHRISTIAN SITE. If he/she was a true christian that wouldnt even be something youd have to discuss.
well according to a "focus on the family" discussion they had on American Family Radio, these things happen EVEN in christian families.... why should we ignore the problem instead of trying to find ways of stopping it?

[flirtyromababe14]

its a hard decision. talk with ur spouse and try to work things out... try to get him off the habit, and if he stops it for good, then why shouldnt u continue on with the relationship? but if he keeps doing it, forget him, he shouldnt be doing that, its a reflection on the type of person he is

[moe2006]

its a hard decision. talk with ur spouse and try to work things out... try to get him off the habit, and if he stops it for good, then why shouldnt u continue on with the relationship? but if he keeps doing it, forget him, he shouldnt be doing that, its a reflection on the type of person he is
it could be "she's" and "hers" too... not only guys...

[Delia16]

Even though it is painfully, I would break the relationship off. Firstly because he pretended he was a Christian, so he was not fear of God.If he dares to cheat God,so he dares to cheat me too.Than, it is a fact that Cybersex has consequences on long term.When he will make love with me it will be like a ,,vaginal masturbation''.His brain will be polluted for a long time with all kind of images.In fact he will have many fantasies with these images.He will be a slave of his own brain.Don't imagine he will be attracted to your body, doesn't matter how beautiful it is.

[flirtyromababe14]

it could be "she's" and "hers" too... not only guys...

yea, its just as possible that it can be a girl, but i was just writing from my perspective, a girl, lol... but yea, i totally see what ur saying

[moe2006]

Even though it is painfully, I would break the relationship off. Firstly because he pretended he was a Christian, so he was not fear of God.If he dares to cheat God,so he dares to cheat me too.Than, it is a fact that Cybersex has consequences on long term.When he will make love with me it will be like a ,,vaginal masturbation''.His brain will be polluted for a long time with all kind of images.In fact he will have many fantasies with these images.He will be a slave of his own brain.Don't imagine he will be attracted to your body, doesn't matter how beautiful it is.
he could be a christian that left a little place for the devil to get through to his mind and heart...... it's the same with sex before marraige..... all temptations...

[Delia16]

what the crack are you guys talking about??? HELLO... CHRISTIAN SITE. If he/she was a true christian that wouldnt even be something youd have to discuss.

What the problem? I saw many civilised discussions on this site about sins which invades Christian world. .Don't avoid tackling the problem of sin.This is the world we are living in.One day you could be confronted with such a problem.Where are you going to go? In church ?No, for it is aChristian church, on many Christian sites ?No!will you ask your brother? No, for they a Christians.People it is time to discuss and not to wave the Christian flag if it is not the case.Sorry, but I am revolted against such mentality.

[Moe]

Wow this is an intersting topic and my opinion on this is as following:
If the guy/girl is christion she/he shouldnt be on the net cybering away.....
A marrige in the bible its stated as being between A MAN AND A WOMEN not between a man and a computer or a women and a computer..........
Cybersex is a sin .......... and if its a sin it shouldnt be done cause its wrong..........

Romans 6:12&13,
Do not let sin control your puny body any longer; do not give in to its sinful desires. Do not let any part of your bodies become tools of wickedness, to be used for sinning; but give your selfves completly to God-

[moe2006]

Wow this is an intersting topic and my opinion on this is as following:
If the guy/girl is christion she/he shouldnt be on the net cybering away.....
A marrige in the bible its stated as being between A MAN AND A WOMEN not between a man and a computer or a women and a computer..........
Cybersex is a sin .......... and if its a sin it shouldnt be done cause its wrong..........

Romans 6:12&13,
Do not let sin control your puny body any longer; do not give in to its sinful desires. Do not let any part of your bodies become tools of wickedness, to be used for sinning; but give your selfves completly to God-
of course it's a sin.... but then in that case, what would u do???

[Moe]

Q1.What are you going to do?
A1. Get help from a pastor or get counseled......
Q2. Would you break it off?
A2. No Because marriage is a sacrade vowe between a men and a women and it shall not be broken off ....
Luke 16:18
So anyone who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced women commits adultery.
And as we all know adultery is a sin.

[moe2006]

Q1.What are you going to do?
A1. Get help from a pastor or get counseled......
Q2. Would you break it off?
A2. No Because marriage is a sacrade vowe between a men and a women and it shall not be broken off ....
Luke 16:18
So anyone who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced women commits adultery.
And as we all know adultery is a sin.
not marraige..... only engagement.... if for some reason someone DOES get divorced, they must never get married again unless they re-marry the same person they married first.

[Moe]

not marraige..... only engagement.... if for some reason someone DOES get divorced, they must never get married again unless they re-marry the same person they married first.


If the engagement was done in church and by a pastor its considerd a marriage........ and you know what the bible says "ce dumnezeu a impreunat nimeni sa nu desparta" .....

But anyway like i said its something that is wrong and shouldnt be done........ no you shouldnt break off the relashionship ........ pray, fast about it, ask God for salvation and for help to get throught this......

[moe2006]

If the engagement was done in church and by a pastor its considerd a marriage........ and you know what the bible says "ce dumnezeu a impreunat nimeni sa nu desparta" .....

But anyway like i said its something that is wrong and shouldnt be done........ no you shouldnt break off the relashionship ........ pray, fast about it, ask God for salvation and for help to get throught this......
hmmmm that's the first time I heard that.....

[Moe]

hmmmm that's the first time I heard that.....


You've never heard a pastor say that after a wedding "ce dumnezeu a impreunat nimeni sa nu desparta" something like that ..........maby in a diffrent way but just about the same........

[moe2006]

You've never heard a pastor say that after a wedding "ce dumnezeu a impreunat nimeni sa nu desparta" something like that ..........maby in a diffrent way but just about the same........
yes.... but this thread is not about if ur married.... only if ur engaged..... there are ppl that are engaged in a church and they break up.....

[Moe]

yes.... but this thread is not about if ur married.... only if ur engaged..... there are ppl that are engaged in a church and they break up.....


This is an intersting point that your making im going to look it up and find info on it and ill reply in a few hours ......... but for now i have to leave.....

[nihilo]

,,CYBERING', slang for VIRTUAL SEX ONLINE,appears to be the dark secret of the Internet, and it is creating havoc in the real world of relationships.The ease with which people can find partners for sex a quick computer search can yield hundreds of opportunities, in chat rooms or on porn sites and the apparent safety of anonymous encounters has temped huge numbers of people to cheat on their mate.

I have some question for all of you: if after you became engaged you descover that your CHRISTIAN fiance is cybersex practitioner, what are you going to do? Are you going to continue your relationship or break it off? It is worthy to continue this relationship?There are any risks for married life ?

if your fiancee wants to break the habit, it would benefit both of you to stick together. like some of the other ppl said, this is a sin, but like all sin it needs to be repented and 'sin no more'.

what benefit would come of breaking the relationship off?

now if the fiancee does not wanna change or sees no problem with it, that's another matter. maybe he/she isn't as christian as they claim.

[HowBoutSumGravy]

If you really love him/her, then stick by their side, because having no one by their side makes it even harder to overcome this particular sin. I mean what kind of "christian" would you be if you were to just drop him or her? Christians don't run away from other people's problems, they embrace them. You are to put their needs before yours. It is what Jesus would do. He wouldn't turn His back, so why should You? Just like every other sin, it takes time to regain control over his/hers mind and body. Give them time, not just time, Your time. That's how a relationship works, whether it be with someone here on Earth or in Heaven, you must sarcrifice. Actions speak louder than words. Show them you're there for them. When one's sin is revealed amongst the ones they love, they feel ashamed, unworthy, and alone. Sin leaves us hopeless. Sexual sins are very hard to stop, alone that is. Restore their assurance and show them you are behind them all the way and most importantly God is as well. It is your faith in God that determines whether God will change him/her. You can only do so much, but if you have not faith, you have nothing at all. Faith moves mountains right? Can it not move people as well?

God Bless.

[romans3:23]

If the engagement was done in church and by a pastor its considerd a marriage........ and you know what the bible says "ce dumnezeu a impreunat nimeni sa nu desparta" .....

But anyway like i said its something that is wrong and shouldnt be done........ no you shouldnt break off the relashionship ........ pray, fast about it, ask God for salvation and for help to get throught this......
you wouldn't let someone who doesn't understand traffic laws direct traffic would you????do i need to say more? i could..do i need to?

[MeTrO]

what the crack are you guys talking about??? HELLO... CHRISTIAN SITE. If he/she was a true christian that wouldnt even be something youd have to discuss.

I'd like to know the definition of a true christian. Is it someone who no longer sins? I really don't think so. The bible says we are all sinners, all fall short of the glory of God. We all need God's grace every day. The moment we think we are perfect and free from sin, we are putting ourselves in a big trap. Also, keep in mind there is no hierarcy when it comes to sin. In the eyes of man, cybersex might be a greater sin than lying to your friends or parents, but in the eyes of God it's just sin. So it's never good to judge others. Also, we are not entirely sure about the circumstances. He/she might not be doing what he/she is doing out of their own will, but they might be trapped (Read Romans 7:14-24 and you'll see what I'm talking about).

As far as my opinion on this issue, I don't think I'm in a position to give advice. Some people will say one thing and others will say another. But the only person who knows all is God. We should always pray and ask Him for answers. One thing is for sure though, these kind of issues have to be sorted before marriage, as they put too much risk on something that God intended to be holy.

[MeTrO]

If the engagement was done in church and by a pastor its considerd a marriage........ and you know what the bible says "ce dumnezeu a impreunat nimeni sa nu desparta" .....

My understanding is that there is a clear difference between engagement and marriage. I don't think engagements are binding in the same way marriage is. As an analogy i think being engaged is like putting a deposit on a car. It's not yours, but it's guaranteed to be yours if you pay the rest of the price. As such, you can get out of the deal if you think it's not for you (but you might loose the deposit :D ) Marriage would be after you paid the full amount and the car is yours. From that point onwards you are fully responsible for it.

Perhaps not a very good analogy... oh well :scratch: :scratch:

[cosmin]

If the engagement was done in church and by a pastor its considerd a marriage........ and you know what the bible says "ce dumnezeu a impreunat nimeni sa nu desparta" .....

But anyway like i said its something that is wrong and shouldnt be done........ no you shouldnt break off the relashionship ........ pray, fast about it, ask God for salvation and for help to get throught this.....--
moe... i have to respectfully disagree. and engagement done in church is NOT considered a marriage. i like MetroBoy's illustration of buying a car. it explains the situation prettywell. :D

now to the subject of breaking a relationship off because of cybersex. i want to point out a very true statement. a relationship is rooted in Jesus Christ, His Love, trust, and communication. if you would take out any of these 'ingredients' the recipe just wouldnt be right. In this case, the Trust is broken by this person doing something 'in the dark' from you.

This can have a lasting negative impact on your relationship and marriage.

The sin of fornication and pornography is a demon that wont go away to easy. Why is it that divorce rates are almost the same in Christian families as it is in the secular world? Why is it that whenever there is a 'Christian Leaders Conference' in an area, the Adult Channel programming purchases go up in Hotels? these are all true facts. Why? because this sin of fornication and pornography is a rabid demon that once it gets a hold of a person, only by God's grace, fasting, praying, and that persons willingness to see help from a trusting person that will hold them accountable for what they do will the healing process BEGIN. not go away instantly! :wow:

My advice to you is to sit down and talk to that person about it. Communicate to him that he needs to get help from a trusting pastor or mature Spiritual person. If both of you truely love each other and want to spend a lifetime together and have a BLESSED marriage, hold off the marriage until there is a visual change in the person. Otherwise, this demon will haunt him and you throughout your relationship and marriage.

[Credinta]

This is an excellent question and a time for you to decide with your future spouse the level of commitment you will put into your future marriage. If your future spouse really loves you and puts youas their first priority, they will unplug the computer or put on filtering software. If they are not willing to give up their habit or buy a 40 dollar piece of software, so that they will be forced to be held accountable for their web activities, they do not value your relationship, and in that case, RECONSIDER THE RELATIONSHIP! If they seem genuinely repentant and are willing to unplug the computer or get filtering software, don't be too hard on them, everyone has weak moments. However, do be militant about your side of the bargain and look for signs of relapse, because you can recover from addiction, but you need to be monitored and accountable for everything you do. For something like this, it is fundamental that the person is held fully responsible and knows the consequences if they relapse. Tough love...

[lil_chickita715]

If you really love him/her, then stick by their side, because having no one by their side makes it even harder to overcome this particular sin. I mean what kind of "christian" would you be if you were to just drop him or her? Christians don't run away from other people's problems, they embrace them. You are to put their needs before yours. It is what Jesus would do. He wouldn't turn His back, so why should You? Just like every other sin, it takes time to regain control over his/hers mind and body. Give them time, not just time, Your time. That's how a relationship works, whether it be with someone here on Earth or in Heaven, you must sarcrifice. Actions speak louder than words. Show them you're there for them. When one's sin is revealed amongst the ones they love, they feel ashamed, unworthy, and alone. Sin leaves us hopeless. Sexual sins are very hard to stop, alone that is. Restore their assurance and show them you are behind them all the way and most importantly God is as well. It is your faith in God that determines whether God will change him/her. You can only do so much, but if you have not faith, you have nothing at all. Faith moves mountains right? Can it not move people as well?

God Bless.
I'm totally with u on that! well said. :clap1:

[Berta]

Thank you guys for posting your opinions on this issue.I appreciate them a lot.Different persons,different opinions !Dont't judge me wrongly,but now my soul is so worried by contradictory feelings! I know as Christian I have to show love , sympathy and patience.I REALLY DON'T KNOW if his love is a genuine love.I am fear for today people are very good actors.How could I get to the conclusion he will totally changed?I am fear of sexual addictions, destroyed marriages, career los, and financial ruin,which are common outcomes of compulsive online behavior.Someone explained me yesterday that online meeting can continue with real meeting including women and men.I become crazy thinking he would have met both men and women.I don't feel safe to continue.This is I feel just now.Probably, firstly I need to be healed of fear.Sorry,I am so confused.

[Berta]

If you really love him/her, then stick by their side, because having no one by their side makes it even harder to overcome this particular sin. I mean what kind of "christian" would you be if you were to just drop him or her? Christians don't run away from other people's problems, they embrace them. You are to put their needs before yours. It is what Jesus would do. He wouldn't turn His back, so why should You? Just like every other sin, it takes time to regain control over his/hers mind and body. Give them time, not just time, Your time. That's how a relationship works, whether it be with someone here on Earth or in Heaven, you must sarcrifice. Actions speak louder than words. Show them you're there for them. When one's sin is revealed amongst the ones they love, they feel ashamed, unworthy, and alone. Sin leaves us hopeless. Sexual sins are very hard to stop, alone that is. Restore their assurance and show them you are behind them all the way and most importantly God is as well. It is your faith in God that determines whether God will change him/her. You can only do so much, but if you have not faith, you have nothing at all. Faith moves mountains right? Can it not move people as well?

God Bless.

I understand you wery well.I don't understand why this happened to me as I was opene-hearted all the time.Does God want to say something to me? It is a warning?I think is not all only about my faith. When Jesus healed someone , firstly He asked :do YOU WANTto be heald? Being asked many people declare they want, but after a time ...nobody knows.Here is my thorn.
O

[samus3johnv]

get help from:

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/

I think this is a very good website.

[ccclaudiu]

Berta! May God guide you! No one can tell you what to do... it's either your decision or... simple, make it God's decision! So... u COULD ask God and WAIT for an answear! sorry u have to go through this... GBU!

[railer]

I would argue that if a husband is satisfied in his sexual relationship with his wife, he would have no need to masturbate, fantasize over pornography or have cybersex. If not, then maybe more communication is necessary.

[sweetroses]

when we love another we dont just tell the person "stop doing this or otherwise i am leaving you". if you want a person to stop their habit or addiction then you need to be the one helping and guiding them through the whole process. they can't do it alone or w/o Jesus. i would never leave my loved one for this unless he truly did not care and disregarded everything i said to them. if that happens then they really dont care about the relationship. why be with them?

[Delia16]

I would argue that if a husband is satisfied in his sexual relationship with his wife, he would have no need to masturbate, fantasize over pornography or have cybersex. If not, then maybe more communication is necessary.

I don't agree with you on this.Don't forget: a big danger of online sex is that it tries to impose you that model of woman it wants.If the husband practiced cybersex before marriage, after marriage he will be tempted to compare his wife with that model On the ather hand , a wife is not obliged to practice all kind of perversions a husband admired or practiced with computer.I don't believe that there is such a big number of imperfect wives as statistics show us ; half of number of divorces is caused by cybersex, phone sex, porn etc.. Than, is God such an imperfect Creator? By my mind an insatisfied husband has to practice what you said openly to show to his wife that she is quilty of his practices.But it is known that all men using dirty practices tray to be anonymous.WHY?

[baller3067]

well pornogrphy is ahuge problem among guys today
not accepting this fact is just narrow minded and dumb
a lot og guys have problems letting go of this tempation that is so easily at hand
but i do suggest any guy that has this problem do so things
one and most importantly get on your knees and pray to God to help you get through this
seconds start geetting into the word more
third there are some great resources avalible for you to read
some include:
Not even a hint by joshua Harris
Wild at heart- John Eldredge
and Every young mans battle by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, Mike Yorkey

these books again are wonderful resources that help alot
but remmember it all starts with you and you dropping any pride you have and accepting this problem and giving it to God

[railer]

I don't agree with you on this.Don't forget: a big danger of online sex is that it tries to impose you that model of woman it wants.If the husband practiced cybersex before marriage, after marriage he will be tempted to compare his wife with that model On the ather hand , a wife is not obliged to practice all kind of perversions a husband admired or practiced with computer.I don't believe that there is such a big number of imperfect wives as statistics show us ; half of number of divorces is caused by cybersex, phone sex, porn etc.. Than, is God such an imperfect Creator? By my mind an insatisfied husband has to practice what you said openly to show to his wife that she is quilty of his practices.But it is known that all men using dirty practices tray to be anonymous.WHY?

Sorry, but I didn't understand what your point was, at all.

[eu sint]

i have not read the whole thing cuz i'm at school and i can't. but i thought i'll post my opinion on the matter. Just because your a christian, that does not mean that satana does not temp you. Pentru ca a cazut cine va in pacat nu inseamna cu nu se poate ierta. Sumnezeu este un Dumnezeu bub. Da El te iarta dar si Te pedepseste.

Daca mi sar intimpla mie si Doamne feri, ca nu stiu ca asi face :angry: . Cred ca in primul rind mas lupta cu mine ca sa nu il omor :boxing: :lifting2: :bye2: ;) jk

[Steven!]

what the crack are you guys talking about??? HELLO... CHRISTIAN SITE. If he/she was a true christian that wouldnt even be something youd have to discuss.


... Just because someone is a 'Christian' doesn't mean they're Christ-like.

[Delia16]

I would argue that if a husband is satisfied in his sexual relationship with his wife, he would have no need to masturbate, fantasize over pornography or have cybersex. If not, then maybe more communication is necessary.

In other words, women a guilty of sexual behaviour of their husbands.This is my deduction from your statement,and a small percentage is true.But what are you saying about the increasing number of divorces due to online sex, phone sex, sex, sex , sex...Is it because more and more women become incapable to satisfy the sexual whises of their husbands ?No.It is because men are temped to compare their wifves with women they met on Internet.It is right to preted to your wife to do what you saw in a private camera on Int.?IF BEFORE MARRIAGE SOMEONE USED TO PRACTICE ONLINE SEX, THE POSIBILITY TO CONTINUE IT AFTER MARRIAGE IS REAL AS THE STATISTICS SHOW.Did you get my point?
In our case is not about a married couple ,is aboutt an engaged couple.

[lalaa]

i would personally (pray alot about it) and tell the person that i couldnt see them or continue the realationship until they stop and if they really love you and want to be with u maybe they can break the habit....

[carter]

if you need to pray join www.ziditorul.com
its a CHRISTIAN website BE BLESS

[ofelya]

Christians need to make sure they have a clear understanding of the person they may marry before becoming engaged.The Bible says that Christins cannot team up with and live in harmony with unbelievers
(2Corinthians 6:14-15).This almost guarantees that the Christian will be pulled away from Christ because, as the Bible says, ''bad company corrupts good character''(1Corinthians 15:33).The only way to have a God- honouring ,stable foundationfor marriage is to be firmly grounded in one's faith, and make sure that the potential partner is equally dedicated to God.
A couple should make sure they are toghether for a sufficient amount of time before discussing marriage.They should watch how the other reacts to different situations, how they behave around their family and friends, and also what kind of people they hang out with.A person's behavior is determined by who they keep company with.Theyy should agree on issues such as morality, values, church attendance and involvment, and working outside the home, without having to compromise their own convictions from the Holy Spirit.Don't engage so easily!

[ofelya]

JUST IN CASE!

,, WARNING SIGNS your spouse may have a secret cybersex problem
• Preoccupation with visual, sexual stimuli.
• Evidence of pornography usage, whether it's on the computer, or with videotapes or magazines.
• Insisting on his or her own Internet account and e-mail address.
• Unexplained credit-card bills. Or having a separate credit card that only one spouse uses.
• Having a post office box where he or she could receive correspondence from people they meet in chat rooms.
• Staying up late, after everyone's gone to bed, so he or she can get on the computer without interruption.
• A distance between the two of you emotionally and spiritually. "If your partner never seems interested in sex, never initiates, then that's a problem," Laaser says. "Especially if they're acting out in lots of other ways but have become disinterested in you."

[ofelya]

WHAT TO DO IF YOU SUSPECT YOU ARE SEX ADDICT

,,Interrupt your cycle of sin. "We have guys whom we tell not to take their laptops with them on the road," Laaser says. "We have guys whom we advise, when they get to a hotel room, to literally have the management remove the TV from the room."
Don't have your own Internet account and password. Make someone else sign on for you and only use it when someone is around.
Get Christian help. "At some point you've got to be hooked into healthy Christian leadership, helping you be accountable, helping you to follow God's design, helping you to understand grace, helping you establish a vision, helping you to work on your marriage," Laaser says. Sources of help include local churches and addiction-counseling groups, or national ministries such as Laaser's Christian Alliance for Sexual Recovery (www.helpandhope.org, or 888-HELPHOPE).''

[nihilo]

JUST IN CASE!


• Staying up late, after everyone's gone to bed, so he or she can get on the computer without interruption.

WHOA!!!! i stay up late on the computer!!!! are royouth, ebay and drudgereport considered a sin???

[ofelya]

WHOA!!!! i stay up late on the computer!!!! are royouth, ebay and drudgereport considered a sin???


:cantbe: You are kidding or exagerating!

[railer]

In other words, women a guilty of sexual behaviour of their husbands.This is my deduction from your statement,and a small percentage is true.But what are you saying about the increasing number of divorces due to online sex, phone sex, sex, sex , sex...Is it because more and more women become incapable to satisfy the sexual whises of their husbands ?No.It is because men are temped to compare their wifves with women they met on Internet.It is right to preted to your wife to do what you saw in a private camera on Int.?IF BEFORE MARRIAGE SOMEONE USED TO PRACTICE ONLINE SEX, THE POSIBILITY TO CONTINUE IT AFTER MARRIAGE IS REAL AS THE STATISTICS SHOW.Did you get my point?
In our case is not about a married couple ,is aboutt an engaged couple.

I do not agree with premarital intercourse, nor being tempted by pornography, etc. If a man is used to these forms of stimuli, then a man's perception of how sex should be and his perception of women will become twisted and he conform's to the unreal image of the pornographic industry.

Let's say, a man has been fantasising about a particular sexual act, has watched pornographic vidoes of this act, whatever. He then gets married and his wife doesn't consent to this act. This is in NO way his wife's fault, it is clearly the man's fault for being influenced by worldly lusts.

And my point is, the less sexual activity you involve yourself in before marriage, the more satisfying your sexual relationship with your partner will be, because you have little or no preconceived ideas of how sex works/will be like.

But if a woman witholds sex as a form of...let's say "punishment", for example, then the temptation to resort to other forms of sexual stimuli will be increased. Notice the word: temptation. As with any temptation, it should be resolutely rebuked with the help of Christ.

[Delia16]

Yes, I agree with you on this .Women must do their ,,duty''.Your explanation is clear mow.

[!BARBIE!]

I do not agree with premarital intercourse, nor being tempted by pornography, etc. If a man is used to these forms of stimuli, then a man's perception of how sex should be and his perception of women will become twisted and he conform's to the unreal image of the pornographic industry.

Let's say, a man has been fantasising about a particular sexual act, has watched pornographic vidoes of this act, whatever. He then gets married and his wife doesn't consent to this act. This is in NO way his wife's fault, it is clearly the man's fault for being influenced by worldly lusts.

And my point is, the less sexual activity you involve yourself in before marriage, the more satisfying your sexual relationship with your partner will be, because you have little or no preconceived ideas of how sex works/will be like.

But if a woman witholds sex as a form of...let's say "punishment", for example, then the temptation to resort to other forms of sexual stimuli will be increased. Notice the word: temptation. As with any temptation, it should be resolutely rebuked with the help of Christ.

yep so true

the divorce side of things is tricky though...
coz ur not supposed 2 divorce someone unless ur partner commits adultery...
so i guess this would count...
interesting topic

[Delia16]

May be considered virgin un unmarried person who practiced cybersex?

[tucurel]

I do not agree with premarital intercourse, nor being tempted by pornography, etc. If a man is used to these forms of stimuli, then a man's perception of how sex should be and his perception of women will become twisted and he conform's to the unreal image of the pornographic industry.

Let's say, a man has been fantasising about a particular sexual act, has watched pornographic vidoes of this act, whatever. He then gets married and his wife doesn't consent to this act. This is in NO way his wife's fault, it is clearly the man's fault for being influenced by worldly lusts.

And my point is, the less sexual activity you involve yourself in before marriage, the more satisfying your sexual relationship with your partner will be, because you have little or no preconceived ideas of how sex works/will be like.

But if a woman witholds sex as a form of...let's say "punishment", for example, then the temptation to resort to other forms of sexual stimuli will be increased. Notice the word: temptation. As with any temptation, it should be resolutely rebuked with the help of Christ.

I agree especially with the correlation between the amount of pre-marital sexual activity and the conjugal satisfaction. Society attempts to portray that a virgin bride is something shameful and that everyone should have experience so that he/she may not embarras themselves in front of their spouses, but of course, nothing is more deceitful. Pre-marital sexual activity will affect one's mind and conscience and potential consequences range from moral frustration to frigidity and sex addiction. A classical example of the care that God bears for his children revealed in his Word!

And yes, for every minute of porn-watching it takes a whole lot more time to develop the ability to abstain and even more time to purify your mind (since the mind cannot be control so easily as the eyes).

As about your very last idea...it's true as well. I just want to mention one little detail: no bachelor who struggles with agrressive lust should expect that once he is married his sexual problems will go away.

This is a very plausible illusion, but every Christian marriage councillor will tell you that is erroneous because if you enter in marriage with this kind of filth, at some point of time you will get bored in your physical relationship and you will be reminescent of the past women that you touched or viewed. Consequently, this should be an additional motivation (besides God's clear command) for every young Christian man to watch out for sexual immorality from NOW!

Another Christian ministry site for the above purposes - www.xxxchurch.com
They even have an accountability software!

[tucurel]

This is an excellent question and a time for you to decide with your future spouse the level of commitment you will put into your future marriage. If your future spouse really loves you and puts youas their first priority, they will unplug the computer or put on filtering software. If they are not willing to give up their habit or buy a 40 dollar piece of software, so that they will be forced to be held accountable for their web activities, they do not value your relationship, and in that case, RECONSIDER THE RELATIONSHIP! If they seem genuinely repentant and are willing to unplug the computer or get filtering software, don't be too hard on them, everyone has weak moments. However, do be militant about your side of the bargain and look for signs of relapse, because you can recover from addiction, but you need to be monitored and accountable for everything you do. For something like this, it is fundamental that the person is held fully responsible and knows the consequences if they relapse. Tough love...

Yes, it's essential to be a rational lover in this kind of moments. I think that the love of the addicted for the other and God's clear command of sexual purity should be a sufficient motivation, no matter the magnitude of the sin. You put it very well, Credinta!

However, I disagree with the ones who advocate that the girl should ditch him right away - this would be an indication of a selfish and non-forgiving love - hence a love which is not authentic.

[tucurel]

Even though it is painfully, I would break the relationship off. Firstly because he pretended he was a Christian, so he was not fear of God.If he dares to cheat God,so he dares to cheat me too.Than, it is a fact that Cybersex has consequences on long term.When he will make love with me it will be like a ,,vaginal masturbation''.His brain will be polluted for a long time with all kind of images.In fact he will have many fantasies with these images.He will be a slave of his own brain.Don't imagine he will be attracted to your body, doesn't matter how beautiful it is.


Sister, you cheat God every time you do the most insignificant sin (by human standards). Should this be a reason for your boyfriend (if you have one) to ditch you?
Remember true love is forgiving. By forgiving I do not mean pretending that the sin does not exists, but being patient and assisting him in this purification process.

[tucurel]

May be considered virgin un unmarried person who practiced cybersex?

What about masturbation? It is sexual immoral as well!
In this case, a huge proportion of young Christian men should remain bachelors since they haven't kept themselves for their wives!

[Delia16]

Sister, you cheat God every time you do the most insignificant sin (by human standards). Should this be a reason for your boyfriend (if you have one) to ditch you?
Remember true love is forgiving. By forgiving I do not mean pretending that the sin does not exists, but being patient and assisting him in this purification process.

Take into consideration the stage of the relationship.This case is about engaged people.Before engagement I am very understanding.But once someone are engaged and continue to be secret and addicted of cybersex, what guarantee may the partner have that he/she will not continue after marriage?What do you think about a husband (who was addicted to cyber)when his wife willl be pregnant?Will he be more easilly tempted to return to his old preocupation or not?How long might be the process of purification?

[Delia16]

What about masturbation? It is sexual immoral as well!
In this case, a huge proportion of young Christian men should remain bachelors since they haven't kept themselves for their wives!

Don't forget cybersex is associated to other sexual sins!The sin is sin from Biblical perspective.But for relationship like that between a future husband and a wife, a distinction must be done.There are so many ways to understand and practice Christianity today !Young people must pay attention to this.

How huge is this proportion of young Christian who haven't kept themselves for their wife?Do you have any ideea ?What evidence do you have from your church for example?

[Delia16]

What about masturbation? It is sexual immoral as well!
In this case, a huge proportion of young Christian men should remain bachelors since they haven't kept themselves for their wives!

I know very well sexual sins are immoral, but you didn't respond to my question.I didn't ask if someone who practiced online sex can marry or not.Love is forgiving, and there are so many broad -minded women in this world! Re-read my question, and not be worried about the destiny of those who indulged earlier in the jar of honey.

[Delia16]

[QUOTE=cosmin]--
.

This can have a lasting negative impact on your relationship and marriage.

The sin of fornication and pornography is a demon that wont go away to easy. Why is it that divorce rates are almost the same in Christian families as it is in the secular world? Why is it that whenever there is a 'Christian Leaders Conference' in an area, the Adult Channel programming purchases go up in Hotels? these are all true facts. Why? because this sin of fornication and pornography is a rabid demon that once it gets a hold of a person, only by God's grace, fasting, praying, and that persons willingness to see help from a trusting person that will hold them accountable for what they do will the healing process BEGIN. not go away instantly! :wow:

Taking into consideration what you said, are these persons considered DEMON-POSSESED people?

[Andrusca]

well according to a "focus on the family" discussion they had on American Family Radio, these things happen EVEN in christian families.... why should we ignore the problem instead of trying to find ways of stopping it?

I'm behind Moe!! This happens and other people who say this is a christian site and we shouldn't be talking about this, are soooooooo wrong! So get off this thread and don't comment. This stuff happens to everyone. Everyone gets tempted and goes through hard times and thats when you need to realize this person needs help for real and be strong for him and for you and try to solve the problem. You can't run away from the problem!!

God bless
Andrea

[Andrusca]

what the crack are you guys talking about??? HELLO... CHRISTIAN SITE. If he/she was a true christian that wouldnt even be something youd have to discuss.

Sorry but you're wrong. . . IT happens to the best of us. Some things can get you down easy. So I wouldn't be saying that. . . If you really knew what christians deal with you would know that they deal with us. Obviously its not super common, but its not unlikely!
Andrea

[Andrusca]

But to what you said Berta first, i would discuss this with him and see if he's willing to change, but tell him how you feel. Do you feel like you can help him out and be there for him always. Or is this an issue you can't stand by and watch and have to leave him on his own. Cuz for me, I might be able to help him or not! Depending on the person and how you feel about him or her!!

God Bless
Andrea

[adina06]

what the crack are you guys talking about??? HELLO... CHRISTIAN SITE. If he/she was a true christian that wouldnt even be something youd have to discuss.
actually there are christian ppl who do it....and it's better that they talk about it and get other ppl to pray for them...cuz otherwise it would never end for them....

[railer]

what the crack are you guys talking about??? HELLO... CHRISTIAN SITE. If he/she was a true christian that wouldnt even be something youd have to discuss.

So let's discuss cars and photos of posers, because those things are so relevant to our Christian lives :wall:

[tucurel]

Ok, people, enough. I am sure that Debbie got the message, don't over-repeat the same thing (here's a double pleonasm for ya :))

[tucurel]

[QUOTE=cosmin]--
.

This can have a lasting negative impact on your relationship and marriage.

The sin of fornication and pornography is a demon that wont go away to easy. Why is it that divorce rates are almost the same in Christian families as it is in the secular world? Why is it that whenever there is a 'Christian Leaders Conference' in an area, the Adult Channel programming purchases go up in Hotels? these are all true facts. Why? because this sin of fornication and pornography is a rabid demon that once it gets a hold of a person, only by God's grace, fasting, praying, and that persons willingness to see help from a trusting person that will hold them accountable for what they do will the healing process BEGIN. not go away instantly! :wow:

Taking into consideration what you said, are these persons considered DEMON-POSSESED people?

I believe he meant it not in the theological sense, but in the human one. See, lust is a result of the human nature which is exploited freely by Satan, but it is not Satan who dooms some of us to be porn-addicted. That's why we all have to repent! :bow:

[tucurel]

Christians need to make sure they have a clear understanding of the person they may marry before becoming engaged.The Bible says that Christins cannot team up with and live in harmony with unbelievers
(2Corinthians 6:14-15).This almost guarantees that the Christian will be pulled away from Christ because, as the Bible says, ''bad company corrupts good character''(1Corinthians 15:33).The only way to have a God- honouring ,stable foundationfor marriage is to be firmly grounded in one's faith, and make sure that the potential partner is equally dedicated to God.
A couple should make sure they are toghether for a sufficient amount of time before discussing marriage.They should watch how the other reacts to different situations, how they behave around their family and friends, and also what kind of people they hang out with.A person's behavior is determined by who they keep company with.Theyy should agree on issues such as morality, values, church attendance and involvment, and working outside the home, without having to compromise their own convictions from the Holy Spirit.Don't engage so easily!

I do not agree with some of these principles and please allow me to point out some errors.

You said that the two of them should have the same level of faith...this principle works nice if you have a very solid relationship with God, but if you do not, then you are interdicted to have the aspiration to marry a godlier spouse. My mom was atheist when she met my Christian (or at least religious) father, so after many years she repented as well. Should your principle have applied, I wouldn't be here today (and yes, I know that some of you would be happy...)

Secondly, two persons cannot have EXACTLY the same amount of faithfulness, so the question that arises what is the interval of tolerance? What is the maximum difference of godliness between two potential spouses? And besides, as another sister said, it happens even to some of the best (see king David)

Almost each of us has his own sin, it's just that sexual sins are such a taboo in our society, hence some "holy" people are predisposed to be more "selective".
What is worse (by human standards)? To commit adultery or to murder?
What is worse (by human standards)? To watch a porn movie, or a movie with "cool" shots and stabbings?

If you have a non-sexual sin of your own (let's say gossip, or...judging other people), you should be as alert as a person who struggles with pornography. And while I wouldn't marry with a porn addict, I would certainly hold off the marriage and wait and help him to pass this obstacle. And with persevereance from his behalf and grace from God's behalf, he/she would be healed. Would you do the same, or would you simply discard him as if he was predestined to be a porn addict for the rest of his life?

In another order of ideas, your post is technically off-topic. The original question assumes that the two people are already engaged, while yours doesn't. Forgive me if my observation is wrong.

[Manuel]

Geeze thats dumb

[tucurel]

Take into consideration the stage of the relationship.This case is about engaged people.Before engagement I am very understanding.But once someone are engaged and continue to be secret and addicted of cybersex, what guarantee may the partner have that he/she will not continue after marriage?What do you think about a husband (who was addicted to cyber)when his wife willl be pregnant?Will he be more easilly tempted to return to his old preocupation or not?How long might be the process of purification?

You are too narrow in your analysis - I don't mean it to insult you, but neither as a compliment. You should analyze it from the other perspective as well.

Since you are engaged, you must have had very good reasons to accept the proposal of this young man. Why would you not offer him a second chance if you really love him? Isn't love forgiving as Paul says?

[tucurel]

Don't forget cybersex is associated to other sexual sins!The sin is sin from Biblical perspective.But for relationship like that between a future husband and a wife, a distinction must be done.There are so many ways to understand and practice Christianity today !Young people must pay attention to this.

How huge is this proportion of young Christian who haven't kept themselves for their wife?Do you have any ideea ?What evidence do you have from your church for example?

I am sorry, could you please rephrase your response?

Anyway, what I meant to say was the following: Shouldn't you (as a sexually-pure girfriend/fiancee), terminate the relationship in case you would find out that he practices masturbation (which in essence is a sexual sin as well)?

[tucurel]

I know very well sexual sins are immoral, but you didn't respond to my question.I didn't ask if someone who practiced online sex can marry or not.Love is forgiving, and there are so many broad -minded women in this world! Re-read my question, and not be worried about the destiny of those who indulged earlier in the jar of honey.

I didn't respond to your question, but I did pose you a very pertinent question.
Should a young man who at some point during his life practiced masturbation still be considered a virgin? Masturbation is also a sexual sin and in 99% of the cases it involves sexual fantasies (which according to Jesus make up the case for adultery).

Not worrying about those who indulged earlier in the jar of honey (at some point of their lives) would be equivalent with not worrying about pretty much all my brothers (including myself) and a great proportion of my sisters.

Anyway, to answer your question, it depends. Such a person became mentally unvirgin at the time he commited the sin, but if he trully repented, he became virgin again by the grace of God. Now, if you don't mind, please asnwer my questions as well.

[Delia16]

You are too narrow in your analysis - I don't mean it to insult you, but neither as a compliment. You should analyze it from the other perspective as well.

Since you are engaged, you must have had very good reasons to accept the proposal of this young man. Why would you not offer him a second chance if you really love him? Isn't love forgiving as Paul says?

Don't you believe Christianity reduced her standards? I forgive him, but who oblige me to give him the second chance? If I give the second chance, most likely I'll give the third, the fourth...all my life? Does God oblige me to give the second chance if I don't want to? It seems to me that even Christians tray to speculate God's Word .

[Delia16]

I am sorry, could you please rephrase your response?

Anyway, what I meant to say was the following: Shouldn't you (as a sexually-pure girfriend/fiancee), terminate the relationship in case you would find out that he practices masturbation (which in essence is a sexual sin as well)?

The question is clear.You can answer by Yes or No including arguments if you consider they are necessary.

I want to be clear: if before engagement he is opend and tell me about his past preocupations and actual intentions,it is ok.If I will descover that he continue his old practices after engagement, I am not obliged to accept his life- style.

[Delia16]

[QUOTE=tucurel]I didn't respond to your question, but I did pose you a very pertinent question.
Not worrying about those who indulged earlier in the jar of honey (at some point of their lives) would be equivalent with not worrying about pretty much all my brothers (including myself) and a great proportion of my sisters.

I am sorry man, I asked you some evidences.I don't think you can speak about a great proportion of your sisters guilty of sexual sins.That because you don't have to consider Christian all girls present in online sex .On the other hand, we women are not so easily stimulated visually as you guys are, and we can more easily control our hormones. :clap1:

We are here to debate upon a situation, to give an opinion ,not to moot proportions as long as we can't have a real evidence.

[Delia16]

I didn't respond to your question, but I did pose you a very pertinent question.
Should a young man who at some point during his life practiced masturbation still be considered a virgin? Masturbation is also a sexual sin and in 99% of the cases it involves sexual fantasies (which according to Jesus make up the case for adultery).

Not worrying about those who indulged earlier in the jar of honey (at some point of their lives) would be equivalent with not worrying about pretty much all my brothers (including myself) and a great proportion of my sisters.

Anyway, to answer your question, it depends. Such a person became mentally unvirgin at the time he commited the sin, but if he trully repented, he became virgin again by the grace of God. Now, if you don't mind, please asnwer my questions as well.

How many times can a person become virgin? :hmm: .I understand that a person commiting sexual sins can be forgiven, but becoming virgin.....Sorry if I am so narrow! Don't bring me American theories about virginity.I accept only the Bible.

[ofelya]

I do not agree with some of these principles and please allow me to point out some errors.

You said that the two of them should have the same level of faith...this principle works nice if you have a very solid relationship with God, but if you do not, then you are interdicted to have the aspiration to marry a godlier spouse. My mom was atheist when she met my Christian (or at least religious) father, so after many years she repented as well. Should your principle have applied, I wouldn't be here today (and yes, I know that some of you would be happy...)


It is better but not obligatory! May I have some pretentions from the beginning? Was your father religious or Christians for there is a considerable difference.Then if someone wants to assume the risk it's Ok.That doesn't means that all atheist will become Christians.There is the other possibitity too



Secondly, two persons cannot have EXACTLY the same amount of faithfulness, so the question that arises what is the interval of tolerance? What is the maximum difference of godliness between two potential spouses? And besides, as another sister said, it happens even to some of the best (see king David)



The same can't be 100% when it comes to faith .bUT IF ONE HAS 90% AND THE OTHER 80% i THINK IT IS O.K :)
Davit must be a warning to not sin, but not a consolation.Do you know what happened to David after?



Almost each of us has his own sin, it's just that sexual sins are such a taboo in our society, hence some "holy" people are predisposed to be more "selective".
What is worse (by human standards)? To commit adultery or to murder?
What is worse (by human standards)? To watch a porn movie, or a movie with "cool" shots and stabbings?

Each us has the freedom to make distinction regarding the gravity of sins and the consequences for himself and for his family.I am not a judge.



If you have a non-sexual sin of your own (let's say gossip, or...judging other people), you should be as alert as a person who struggles with pornography. And while I wouldn't marry with a porn addict, I would certainly hold off the marriage and wait and help him to pass this obstacle. And with persevereance from his behalf and grace from God's behalf, he/she would be healed. Would you do the same, or would you simply discard him as if he was predestined to be a porn addict for the rest of his life?


As I said, after engagement I wouldn't be tolerant.



In another order of ideas, your post is technically off-topic. The original question assumes that the two people are already engaged, while yours doesn't. Forgive me if my observation is wrong.


I think it is better to prevent some mistakes.It is better to think, to be open, to know,to be intransigent before to be engaged. It is wrong?

[MeTrO]

Since you are engaged, you must have had very good reasons to accept the proposal of this young man. Why would you not offer him a second chance if you really love him? Isn't love forgiving as Paul says?

Forgiving someone does not mean you have to give them a second chance. We should forgive, because Jesus forgave. Forgivness will free you, and allow you to move on. "Forgive and forget" however is not necesaraly true. God gave us wisdom to make good choices. If a choice you take can influence your life in a significant way, you should give it some real thought. Judging only with your heart is not always good!!!

[Delia16]

Don't we have to support the consequences of our acts? A second chance might be a second chance for sin as well .Will God punish me for I have fear of the perpetuation of sin?

[tucurel]

Don't you believe Christianity reduced her standards? I forgive him, but who oblige me to give him the second chance? If I give the second chance, most likely I'll give the third, the fourth...all my life? Does God oblige me to give the second chance if I don't want to? It seems to me that even Christians tray to speculate God's Word .

Do I look like some liberal Christian trying to promote sins?
Christianity has indeed reduced its overall standards - especially the standard of forgiving and love. That shouldn't stop you as an individual Christ pursuer to conform to the norm and not forgive and love your Christian friend.

[tucurel]

The question is clear.You can answer by Yes or No including arguments if you consider they are necessary.

I want to be clear: if before engagement he is opend and tell me about his past preocupations and actual intentions,it is ok.If I will descover that he continue his old practices after engagement, I am not obliged to accept his life- style.

I see your point more clearly, now. But there are some things to be considered:

- What does being "opened" mean? To come and confess by himself from his own initiative? Or to tell you an honest answer IF you ask him about it?

- What if before engagement he was NOT involved in pornography, but afterwards he does get into it (and confesses to you)? Shouldn't you accord him a second chance (as you would have done before engagement)?

- In some cases pornography is not a life style, since there are different degrees of addiction (just as in any addictive activity, like drinking for instance). What if he is at the "begginer's" level and he is very serious about renouncing. Why wouldn't you grant him a second chance and hold off that marriage? It's just a matter of waiting really, and if he's not up to his promise than you would be morally entitled to leave him.

See, your concern is very justified since no wife wants to have a husband that is porn addicted. That's why no one should marry a person who has problems with porn.
But struggling with porn does not mean in all cases that you are addicted, hence, in my humble opinion, a second chance seems very plausible (not just for the sake of Christian forgiving, but because he can remedy himself and become the man you were fond of).

[tucurel]

[QUOTE=tucurel]I didn't respond to your question, but I did pose you a very pertinent question.
Not worrying about those who indulged earlier in the jar of honey (at some point of their lives) would be equivalent with not worrying about pretty much all my brothers (including myself) and a great proportion of my sisters.

I am sorry man, I asked you some evidences.I don't think you can speak about a great proportion of your sisters guilty of sexual sins.That because you don't have to consider Christian all girls present in online sex .On the other hand, we women are not so easily stimulated visually as you guys are, and we can more easily control our hormones. :clap1:

We are here to debate upon a situation, to give an opinion ,not to moot proportions as long as we can't have a real evidence.

I made reference to the sin of masturbation, not of pornography, but which is a sexual sin as well. Go make an anonimous survey at your church among your sisters asking how many have masturbated at some point in their lives, and you shall be surprised by the findings (if they are honest).

The biological difference is another (human) reason why you should grant a second chance. See, as a girl you are less prone to become sexually impure, but a boy is more vulnerable. Not that this is an excuse for him.

[tucurel]

How many times can a person become virgin? :hmm: .I understand that a person commiting sexual sins can be forgiven, but becoming virgin.....Sorry if I am so narrow! Don't bring me American theories about virginity.I accept only the Bible.

You are not neccesarily narrow, you are not paying attention. I said MENTALLY virgin, not physical virgin. That means, that by the grace of God your conscience can become clean as it was before commiting the sexual sin.
If a girl wants to re-obtain physical virginity, she just needs a hymen operation, that's all :lol2:

Anyway, I find your bias regarding American liberalism very ironic since it comes from a citizen of a country which has recently legalized gay "marriages" :rolleyes:

[tucurel]

I think it is better to prevent some mistakes.It is better to think, to be open, to know,to be intransigent before to be engaged. It is wrong?

Yeah Ophelia, it's good to prevent pornography. And yes, it's very good to be open and have high standards of purity within a relationship. But if a mistake like this happen, automatic ditching is not the ideal solution. As the "victim" you need a lot of patience, wisdom and love...tough love as one member put it the best. Just give him an ultimatum, and if he truly loves you he will change.

[Delia16]

It is clear in the case presented to us the guy had bad preocupations before engagement.It is worse that he didn't renounced to them after engagement.Can you tell me he truly loves his fiance? Why she has to give him a second chance?Yes, she can ,it is her choice.Me, I wouldn'd do this, because the risk is too big .,,.Love and forgiveness'' People try to much speculate these concepts today.When their life-style is not accepted ,quikly they bring in discussion ,,love and forgive''.YES, I can love, I can forgive, but nobody can force me to live all my life beside a person who brings doubt in my soul.

[Delia16]

I see your point more clearly, now. But there are some things to be considered:

- What does being "opened" mean? To come and confess by himself from his own initiative? Or to tell you an honest answer IF you ask him about it?



Don't speculate the lack of her initiative.It is honest you take the initiative.A boy will be appreciated if he will be sincere from the begining .
Which would be the reason to keep hidden your secret?



- What if before engagement he was NOT involved in pornography, but afterwards he does get into it (and confesses to you)? Shouldn't you accord him a second chance (as you would have done before engagement)?




I think it is better for the two of them know all about each other.They should know each other pretentions.If after he knows my pretentions he tries to cheat on me , sorry! It is the worst for him.That means he will be tempted to cheat on me after marriage as well.For me the second chance doesn't exist when it comes to marriage .


- In some cases pornography is not a life style, since there are different degrees of addiction (just as in any addictive activity, like drinking for instance). What if he is at the "begginer's" level and he is very serious about renouncing. Why wouldn't you grant him a second chance and hold off that marriage? It's just a matter of waiting really, and if he's not up to his promise than you would be morally entitled to leave him.




I am not the adept of the second chance when it comes to sexual sins.Probably I am too weak .


See, your concern is very justified since no wife wants to have a husband that is porn addicted. That's why no one should marry a person who has problems with porn.
But struggling with porn does not mean in all cases that you are addicted, hence, in my humble opinion, a second chance seems very plausible (not just for the sake of Christian forgiving, but because he can remedy himself and become the man you were fond of).


He can't remedy himself. Many people have tried themselves, and they had no results.He needs a counselor, a pastor, a team working with him.

[Delia16]

[QUOTE=tucurel][QUOTE=Delia16]

I made reference to the sin of masturbation, not of pornography, but which is a sexual sin as well. Go make an anonimous survey at your church among your sisters asking how many have masturbated at some point in their lives, and you shall be surprised by the findings (if they are honest)



Masturbation and pornography go hand to hand.They are very related.People use pornography to masturbare,so...I don't know what kind of church you have been attending.I have been attending a Romanian church wich very serious youngs.Don't forget: Romanian Christian girls have good preocupation , believe me


The biological difference is another (human) reason why you should grant a second chance. See, as a girl you are less prone to become sexually impure, but a boy is more vulnerable. Not that this is an excuse for him.[/

[Delia16]

[QUOTE=tucurel

The biological difference is another (human) reason why you should grant a second chance. See, as a girl you are less prone to become sexually impure, but a boy is more vulnerable. Not that this is an excuse for him.[/QUOTE]

I don't think God makes you more sensitive in order to sin. :boxing:

[Delia16]

You are not neccesarily narrow, you are not paying attention. I said MENTALLY virgin, not physical virgin. That means, that by the grace of God your conscience can become clean as it was before commiting the sexual sin.
If a girl wants to re-obtain physical virginity, she just needs a hymen operation, that's all :lol2:


How about you guys? I think that if God didn't give you the posibility to fix your physical virginity by operation you have to say by your own initiative that is very uncomfortable . :really:


Anyway, I find your bias regarding American liberalism very ironic since it comes from a citizen of a country which has recently legalized gay "marriages" :rolleyes:

If my earthly country has legalized gay ,,marriages'' is not my fault. I belong to a heavenly country which is more important for me. That doesn't obstruct me as Christians to speak against bad theories (American, Canadian, etc.).Than, Canada is a kind of North America , isn't it? :hmm:

[icosmin]

Most of the internet traffic is porn or porn related. Sex sells, everyone knows that.

If you're married and have a christian husband who decides to pursue cybersex, online encounters, adult friend finder sites etc, the question you should answer is "Why is he doing that?". Instead on focusing on the effect (i.e. cybersex) maybe look for the source of the problem (i.e. you as a couple).



,,CYBERING', slang for VIRTUAL SEX ONLINE,appears to be the dark secret of the Internet, and it is creating havoc in the real world of relationships.The ease with which people can find partners for sex a quick computer search can yield hundreds of opportunities, in chat rooms or on porn sites and the apparent safety of anonymous encounters has temped huge numbers of people to cheat on their mate.

I have some question for all of you: if after you became engaged you descover that your CHRISTIAN fiance is cybersex practitioner, what are you going to do? Are you going to continue your relationship or break it off? It is worthy to continue this relationship?There are any risks for married life ?

[icosmin]

half of number of divorces is caused by cybersex, phone sex, porn etc..

Where did you get those statistics from!? Let's be objective here. Most of the marriages fail because people get married thinking it's really cool to be married and then discover the other person is not it and decide to get divorced.

[Moe]

--
moe... i have to respectfully disagree. and engagement done in church is NOT considered a marriage. i like MetroBoy's illustration of buying a car. it explains the situation prettywell. :D


I know the example about the car from MetroBoy's illustration and im sorry but you can not compare a car with a relashionship or better yet with an engagement done in church......... an engagement is a sacred thing...........

[61leumas]

yeah that can really damage a relationship..and to put it pure and simply its will fully sinning..you arer commiting adultery by engageing in the act of having virtual sex...just like masturbation or looking a porn is a sin cause you are fantazing about having sexul relations with a person you should not be having it with...as for the matter of the relationship i would have to be tempted to break it off...or tell her to stop and why and sfter i am convinced that she has stopped then continue in our relatoinship...of not then out she goes..i cant have that kind of outside interfernce in y relationship with her...

[Delia16]

Where did you get those statistics from!? Let's be objective here. Most of the marriages fail because people get married thinking it's really cool to be married and then discover the other person is not it and decide to get divorced.



Which world are you living in? Go and search on Internet about ,,Divorce and cybersex''(be careful not to get to Adult FriendFinder! :o Are you surprised about the havocs of online sex and porn, the idols of many people today?


There are so many sample like this:

Cybersex blamed for half of divorces
By Tim Richardson
Published Thursday 11th September 2003 11:40 GMT
Get breaking Internet news straight to your desktop - click here to find out how
There's further evidence that cybersex is increasingly being blamed for the break-up of marriages.

According to online divorce service divorce-online, half of all divorce petitions it processed are due to Internet adultery and cybersex behaviour.

Of the 500 divorce petitions surveyed, half contained allegations concerning cybersex, inappropriate online relationships and pornography.

The findings appear to support earlier studies into the Net and marriage break-up.

Last year, two-thirds of lawyers meeting at an annual conference in Chicago reported that the Internet had played a significant role in divorces they had handled during the past year.

Meeting a new lover online and an "obsessive" interest in pornography were the top two problems cited in many Internet-related divorce cases, they said. Other reasons that have led to the break down of marriages include excessive use of the Net and chat rooms.

At the time, J Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, had this to say: "While I don't think you can say that the Internet is causing more divorces, it does make it easier to engage in the sorts of behaviours that traditionally lead to divorce." ®



Related Story

[Delia16]

Most of the internet traffic is porn or porn related. Sex sells, everyone knows that.

If you're married and have a christian husband who decides to pursue cybersex, online encounters, adult friend finder sites etc, the question you should answer is "Why is he doing that?". Instead on focusing on the effect (i.e. cybersex) maybe look for the source of the problem (i.e. you as a couple).

Here is the problem! If one of the partners had online sex before marriage, there is the risk of return to this old preocupation after marriage.The source might be somewhere in past time,and not necessary in present.

[railer]

Delia, not only is that article severeley outdated, but it's accuracy cannot be trusted because these sites would not have the resources or facilities to survey a large enough sample to make this data worthwhile or accurate.

[MiesVanDerRohe]

I know the example about the car from MetroBoy's illustration and im sorry but you can not compare a car with a relashionship or better yet with an engagement done in church......... an engagement is a sacred thing...........
you still haven't learned your lesson, an engagement is almost nothing, it simply states, this is a time of trial, if things don't work out, i'm outta here. stop posting if you don't know what you're talking about.

[tucurel]

Most of the internet traffic is porn or porn related. Sex sells, everyone knows that.

If you're married and have a christian husband who decides to pursue cybersex, online encounters, adult friend finder sites etc, the question you should answer is "Why is he doing that?". Instead on focusing on the effect (i.e. cybersex) maybe look for the source of the problem (i.e. you as a couple).


I must disagree with you. You are bringing into perspective the secular solution. That is blaming the other for your own defficiencies. If a man sleeps with another woman and then goes to a secular councillor, one of the main conclusions that will be drawn is that the wife did not satisfied sufficiently her husband, hence he was justified in his decision to seek physical pleasure outside the wedlock.

I am not dismissing this approach, since we must look at the factors that caused the problem as well (in order to avoid them in the future). However the main attention must be accorded to the sinner (the guy who practices cybersex, in this case). He is the one who sinned, he is the one who must repent. Throwing the blame on his girlfriend would clearly demonstrate that he is a coward. But of course, you must be a Christian to understand these things...

[deleted acount 5]

you still haven't learned your lesson, an engagement is almost nothing, it simply states, this is a time of trial, if things don't work out, i'm outta here. stop posting if you don't know what you're talking about.

IT WASN'T LIKE THAT FROM THE BEGGINING!
Jewish soldiers from the OT were allowed to skip military service if they were engaged (and then they were exempted another year in order to let them please their wives). And frankly even our secular law takes the engagement very seriously. If one breaks the engagement without a solid reason, the other person is entitled by law to sue the one who broke the engagement.

Engagement is something sacred, is a covenant on the brink of being ratified. No boy should ask for a girl's hand and no girl should accept a boy's proposal unless they are 100% sure they want to spend the rest of their lives with that person. If they do that, only catastrophies should allow them to nullify the engagement vows.

The question is: would the discovery of a porn addiction be such a thing? See my answer in the post below.

[deleted acount 5]

So if X and Y are two engaged Christians, and X discovers that Y has a porn addiction, should X call off the engagement or not? I believe that there isn't an universal answer, but rather a couple of answers based on different scenarios.

The factors who should be decisive are the following (in my opinion):
- the willingness of Y to renounce porn
- the level of grace of X.

I will discuss each factor individually.

1) The willingness of Y to renounce porn
For those of you who never struggled with pornography, I salute you, but you cannot understand how difficult it is to want to renounce something, yet apparently not being able to do so.

I stressed the word "apparently" because it is a key word. A Christian porn addict (I know that for many "righteous" Christians this is an oxymoron, but I beg you to consider the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax-receiver) has the power to defeat his addiction through Christ! Please keep in mind that as Christians, the Holy Spirit who lives in us gives us the desire and the power to defeat any sin in our lives. Only once you will come to be aware of your identity in Christ will you be able to act as a new creation and renounce porn. Untill then, you will keep on struggling and relapsing. So once you are aware of your identity in Christ, your desire to renounce porn combined with your faith will give you the sweet victory.

The bottom line is the following: if you are a Christian and want to renounce porn, you can do it. The faster you do it, the more more determined you are (and/or the more you rely on God). X, the person who must take the decision to continue the relationship or not, should examine how willing is Y to renounce at porn by looking at these factors. To me personally, the willingness to renounce porn reflects the amount of love that Y has towards X.

[deleted account 3]

Okay you would be tempted to break it off? If your tempted to break it off are you sure you even loved the person? Most likely he would still deal with it while he would get back with if you were to still marry the man or woman.. He may not express it, but thats gonna lock himself in to not open up... If you love him enough to be with him you would want to help through it and be there for him... Reality check i can promise you about every guy deals with some kind of sexual problem... It would be really heart breaking to find out but i would be alot happier to be with him and know that he can trust me enough for him to open up and that i can be there for him... I would kind of get annoyed if he were to hide it for me whether then just tell me because that means we dont have the bond or the trust between each other... A relationship will always have problems that you have to face sooner or later but if your willing to be with a person that must be that you love that person. And if i were to get married i know i wouldnt get married to anyone unless i know i love this person and i want him to be my parthner for the rest of my life.. Most important communication!!!!

There are alot of divorces because of the lack of communcation and love for each other.

Each person on this planet deals with some kind of sin in there life.. I mean i hope im not the only person here that can admit that... There are day to day situation you face..

Love is a strong word when you mean it towards each other....



yeah that can really damage a relationship..and to put it pure and simply its will fully sinning..you arer commiting adultery by engageing in the act of having virtual sex...just like masturbation or looking a porn is a sin cause you are fantazing about having sexul relations with a person you should not be having it with...as for the matter of the relationship i would have to be tempted to break it off...or tell her to stop and why and sfter i am convinced that she has stopped then continue in our relatoinship...of not then out she goes..i cant have that kind of outside interfernce in y relationship with her...

[deleted account 3]

Nicely said!

If you really love him/her, then stick by their side, because having no one by their side makes it even harder to overcome this particular sin. I mean what kind of "christian" would you be if you were to just drop him or her? Christians don't run away from other people's problems, they embrace them. You are to put their needs before yours. It is what Jesus would do. He wouldn't turn His back, so why should You? Just like every other sin, it takes time to regain control over his/hers mind and body. Give them time, not just time, Your time. That's how a relationship works, whether it be with someone here on Earth or in Heaven, you must sarcrifice. Actions speak louder than words. Show them you're there for them. When one's sin is revealed amongst the ones they love, they feel ashamed, unworthy, and alone. Sin leaves us hopeless. Sexual sins are very hard to stop, alone that is. Restore their assurance and show them you are behind them all the way and most importantly God is as well. It is your faith in God that determines whether God will change him/her. You can only do so much, but if you have not faith, you have nothing at all. Faith moves mountains right? Can it not move people as well?

God Bless.

[boyeleven]

Here is the problem! If one of the partners had online sex before marriage, there is the risk of return to this old preocupation after marriage.The source might be somewhere in past time,and not necessary in present.

i agree with you here and pretty much with everything you said :D there is a chance of there past to come back but if he or she realy did changed then there is no need for there partner to worry,let's just say that you(delia16) and me(boyeleven) were gona get married and befor i ask you to marry me i sat you down and told you what i've been threw in the past and one of the thing's is that i was adicted to porn and i did masterbate,and you told me that you can't marrey me becuse of that i would not be dissapointed becuse i knew that that was going to happen.but if you realy do love the person then there is forgiveness but im not gona force anyone to forgive anyone alse :bash:

[deleted account 3]

No offense but i would think that there wasn't ture love to begin with..
If your with someone its because you care and love that person. Right? So what is Love? Love is a relationship. Jesus has an example your in that relationship because of the relationship nothing would keep you standing by his side if it weren't for the time you got to know Jesus...

Love is not superfuical!! Love stands through the storms in a relationship if there is a foundation to begin with.


i agree with you here and pretty much with everything you said :D there is a chance of there past to come back but if he or she realy did changed then there is no need for there partner to worry,let's just say that you(delia16) and me(boyeleven) were gona get married and befor i ask you to marry me i sat you down and told you what i've been threw in the past and one of the thing's is that i was adicted to porn and i did masterbate,and you told me that you can't marrey me becuse of that i would not be dissapointed becuse i knew that that was going to happen.but if you realy do love the person then there is forgiveness but im not gona force anyone to forgive anyone alse :bash:

[Steven!]

I don't think cyber sex counts as sex.

It's like... masturbating to words.

[deleted acount 5]

I don't know whether it counts as sex or not, but I do know that it is a sin and that it departs you very much from God. I appeal to everyone's conscience to not try this by his/her own. Too much pain and suffering for a false and destructive fulfillment.

Try instead to improve your relationship with God so that you may delight yourself in the fruits of His holliness. It's a much more better and rewarding way :thfro:

[boyeleven]

No offense but i would think that there wasn't ture love to begin with..
If your with someone its because you care and love that person. Right? So what is Love? Love is a relationship. Jesus has an example your in that relationship because of the relationship nothing would keep you standing by his side if it weren't for the time you got to know Jesus...

Love is not superfuical!! Love stands through the storms in a relationship if there is a foundation to begin with.

thats kind of what i was saying that if she loves him then there is room for forgiveness.

[deleted account 3]

K that makes alot more sense now.. :p:

thats kind of what i was saying that if she loves him then there is room for forgiveness.

[Cossy]

,,CYBERING', slang for VIRTUAL SEX ONLINE,appears to be the dark secret of the Internet, and it is creating havoc in the real world of relationships.The ease with which people can find partners for sex a quick computer search can yield hundreds of opportunities, in chat rooms or on porn sites and the apparent safety of anonymous encounters has temped huge numbers of people to cheat on their mate.

I have some question for all of you: if after you became engaged you descover that your CHRISTIAN fiance is cybersex practitioner, what are you going to do? Are you going to continue your relationship or break it off? It is worthy to continue this relationship?There are any risks for married life ?

i think that it would affect your relationship to some point.... but i dont think u would have to leave them in order to sort it out! i think 1st of all people that are sayin that they are christians and they are cybering then they are fooling themselves!

As a christian u wouldnt get involved in something like that, because if u read the bible and u pray to God i dont think u would be thinking about other stuff like that..

[eu sint]

Don't you believe Christianity reduced her standards? I forgive him, but who oblige me to give him the second chance? If I give the second chance, most likely I'll give the third, the fourth...all my life? Does God oblige me to give the second chance if I don't want to? It seems to me that even Christians tray to speculate God's Word .


okay. Got your point. You have a weakness. Something that the Devil has got you down with so many times before. But you have gotten up and kept going. Fell down again and once more the AWESOME LORD picked you up for a millionth try at doing better. How much did you diserve it and what was the garantee that you wouldn't screw up again? There was none. There is no garantee that he won't fall flat on his face during your marrige. But through the BLOOD of JESUS, his and your prayers, he will stand! Because scire in Bibile somthing like -sorry can't say for sure where- ce iti pasa tie daca omnul meu sta in picioare sau cade, si totus el va sat in picioare, pentruca Eu sunt Domnul, si am putere ca sa-l fac sa steie in picioare!

now i'll not saying that it's ok for it to happen again, but bwing humans there is a huge chance that it will. It is you dutty as his wife to help him thought that too!